Todays newsletter at a glance:
How to be more influential right here, right now.
Team Dynamics: How to create exemplary agreements on your team for smoother operations and less conflict
Opportunities you don’t want to miss: Surf & Flow Retreat at Las Flores luxury surf resort, Longevity beta and Eye of the Storm Group Program.
In a world dominated by social media it’s easy to believe that influence is all about having a big following.
While that can be true, most of us are never going to, nor seek to be a “social media influencer.”
It begs the question, where does that leave you if having a giant megaphone either doesn’t interest you or isn’t in your nature?
And even if you do desire to have a big megaphone, creating that megaphone is actually the opposite of what the social media growth gurus would have you believe.
When you’re managing people or teams, running a company, interfacing with a board of directors, or have a family, influence is one of the most important skills (and it is a skill) that you can cultivate.
Here’s how you do it.
Think about one person you’d like to influence and why.
That person might be your significant other, a direct report, a friend, your CEO, or even a board member.
In these cases a megaphone wouldn’t even be helpful.
But you’d like to get them to take some action, or perhaps see something from your perspective.
Social media influence is mostly about one way communication.
Interpersonal influence is about two way communication.
Therein lies the rub.
There are three things that you need to consider in order to create more influence.
Show them you are open to their influence.
Generally, we tend to like people more when we feel we have agency in a relationship.
Nobody likes feeling powerless or in a one down position.
You can easily show someone you are open to their influence by deeply understanding them.
If someone is a great communicator, it can be fairly simple to understand where they are coming from.
But other times what people say isn’t necessarily what they mean, so this can take some practice.
Pro tip: It’s not about the content. Listen for the unexpressed emotions underneath the content.
I was in a meeting with a client last week and he was describing the complicated chess pieces at play in his place of work.
He was trying to figure out what to do.
Underneath trying to understand what to do, he was really questioning whether he could trust his CEO to have his best interests in mind.
By saying to him, “What I hear underneath what you’re saying is that you’re really questioning whether you can trust this guy.”
“Exactly,” he said.
His real issue was less about the chess pieces and more about his own question.
Once he had the question, the solution became obvious.
This isn’t an interaction where I had a particular agenda.
But I have agendas all the time when I’m interacting with a friend, a colleague, a partner, or a family member.
By understanding them deeply I now have a much better picture of their perspective.
That brings us to component number 2.
Understand their wants.
Let’s use the example of another client.
Previously when he wanted to influence colleagues to take some action based on his position he would spend a whole bunch of time creating a deck and then shopping that presentation around.
This time he did it very differently.
He went to every colleague that was a stakeholder in the decision making process and had an informal meeting with them.
He asked for their feedback on his ideas.
He sought to understand where they were at.
He used active listening to insure that they knew that he understood them.
Then he went and created a presentation that he know would satisfy each persons viewpoint.
You might be thinking “Well Jonah isn’t he just creating what other people want instead of what he wants?”
The answer is actually no.
Because in his earlier strategy he would propose what he wanted and inevitably get a bunch of pushback and resistance.
In his updated strategy, he understands the constraints he’s working with and figures out how to get what he wants while satisfying others.
It’s a win-win situation.
This brings us to number 3.
Understand their fears.
A different C-level client has a very insecure, micro-managing CEO who also happens to be afraid of conflict.
It’s a real conundrum because the CEO gets his hands all over things but inevitably creates chaos and shirks responsibility.
This leaves people like my client to clean up the mess.
The solution may seem like he needs to get a new CEO ;-) j/k
Instead he needs to understand the shortcomings of the CEO and make up for them.
It turns out that behavior as described above is characteristic of someone who wants control and is also afraid of the ramifications of being responsible.
To deal with someone like this, you need to give them more control.
The executive in order to work well with the CEO needs to use him like a canary in the coal mine and use the CEO’s fears as an early warning system for anything that may go wrong.
In this way, he’s bringing issues to the CEO before the CEO can begin to meddle.
He listens and reacts with active listening to the CEO and shows he’s open to influence.
Then he uses the CEO’s worries and paranoias to help him avoid pitfalls.
As the CEO begins to see this dynamic play out, there is a more than fair chance that he will begin to relax around the executive as he begins to realize the exec understands and takes care of his deepest fears.
Start to practice with the strategies above and you’ll begin to see many more opportunities for proactive and positive communication.
But most importantly you’ll struggle less, be more in flow and see more paths to getting what you want.
Team Dynamics: How to create clear and concise agreements with your team.
A short guide about the importance of team agreements and how to set them.
Ready to take a big step into more freedom and power?
I’ve got you covered. There are a number of ways we can work together right now from deep coaching to surfing and more!
At the Surf & Flow State Experience in Las Flores El Salvador this October you’ll either get better at or learn to surf while you make massive progress on one big important project. We’ll be surfing everyday and diving into deep flow states using your project as your vehicle. We’ll have yoga, ice baths, myofascial release, super healthy food, and absolutely world class teachers to help us along. You’ll leave feeling rejuvenated refreshed with a spark in your step. Let’s talk if you’re at all interested.
I launched a small group coaching program called “Eye of the Storm.” Every other week, we meet and I teach one important but simple concept that you can put into effect immediately in your work or life. We also mastermind, do hot seat coaching and peer coaching. The folks in it report that it’s been super powerful and in some cases even more powerful than 1-1 coaching. It’s also more affordable than my current 1-1 rates. Schedule a short call if you’d like to learn more.
Those of you who know me well, know that I’m a health and fitness nut. And now at the ripe young age of 51 I’ve embarked on a bold health project called Future Fit. Future Fit is focused on longevity and it’s a curated program of the most advanced testing, health tracking, technology and more so that you’re still rocking at 100 years old. You can read more here.
Finally, I two spaces for 1-1 leadership coaching. So if you’re ready to be more influential, more effective and feel less stressed, let’s talk.
Understand their wants.
Understand their fears.
First, you’ll want to show them you are open to their influence.